As I stole a few glimpses of the Broncos/Jets game last night while at work, a few different thoughts crept into my mind. Other than the obvious question of “Is there actually a higher power behind Tim Tebow’s improbable success?” the most pressing inquiry was “Do the Vikings play a Thursday night game?”
I quickly checked the Vikings’ schedule and was able to let out a huge sigh of relief as I discovered, no, Minnesota does not play a Thursday night game. Like a large number of sports fans in this football-loving country, I do not get NFL Network at home. But that’s not why I was relieved to find the Vikings don’t play on a Thursday night. The comfort I felt came from knowing a national television audience wouldn’t be held captive watching the bumbling embarrassment that is my favorite football team. The Vikings do not have any remaining Monday night, Sunday night or Thursday night games, and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Shame is a funny thing. Actually, it’s a sad thing. A very sad thing.
I remember watching Vikings/Lions games played in Detroit and, after a horrendous play by the home team, the camera would cut to a Lions fan with a bag over his head. “Silly Lions fan”, I thought. No, silly me. Bag-headed Lions fan, I now know how you felt.
Minnesota’s Sunday Night Football game — a 39-10 loss to the Chicago Bears — was a disgrace. The Vikings’ Monday Night Football game, a 45-7 loss to the Packers, I don’t even have words for what that was. The Monday Night Football crew revealed the absurd fact that Minnesota has now lost nine straight NFC North games. That’s a franchise record, folks.
As Vikings fans, we’re used to getting our hearts ripped out, stomped on, tossed into a meat grinder, chewed on by a velociraptor, stung by a swarm of bees, struck by lightning and thrown into an angry volcano, but this is different. This isn’t Gary Anderson wide left or 12 men in the huddle + the Favre pick. This is just flat out sucking.
Since the year I was born (1986), the Vikings have never won fewer than five games in a season. At 2-7 with seven games left, it’s hard to see Minnesota winning three more games. This could be the franchise’s worst year since 1984 when the team lost 11 of its final 12 games and went 3-13. I want to hide under a rock.
I don’t have a single paper bag in my apartment. I always get my groceries in plastic bags and then recycle them. The last time I even thought about using a paper bag was in junior high and high school when we had to use them as book covers. As it stands right now, I feel an emptiness in my heart that can only be covered by an empty brown paper bag.
Oh yeah, this is supposed to be a preview for the Vikings/Raiders game Sunday in the Metrodome. What you need to know: Carson Palmer has thrown for more than 600 yards and five touchdowns in his first two starts for the Silver and Black, Darren McFadden probably won’t play for the third-straight week, and the Raiders lead the AFC West with a 5-4 record.
Honestly, I don’t even have a guess as to how Minnesota will come out for this game. I thought the Vikings would bring the fire in Monday night’s game, their biggest game of the year, but they immediately dropped to the ground, started sobbing and begged, “Please, not in the face!”
The secondary is a mess, the offensive line is nonexistent, the receiving corps is weak, the coaching staff is clueless and the quarterback is a kid. Someone needs to figure something out Sunday. And I need to figure out where I can get a paper bag.
THE HOOK UP
Links to pregame stories for Vikings/Packers
Frazier challenges defense to give Allen a hand – Minneapolis StarTribune
Vikings still trying to solve third-quarter dilemma – Minneapolis StarTribune
For Vikings’ Toby Gerhart, opportunities have been few and far between – St. Paul Pioneer Press
More than a strong arm: Palmer knows how to lead – The Oakland Tribune
Lito Sheppard doesn’t miss a beat – The Oakland Tribune
Raiders-Vikings preview – Associated Press / STATS
Raiders at Vikings preview – NFL Films (video)
‘Sota Sports will provide pregame and postgame analysis for all 16 Vikings games this season. Check back with us on Monday for a breakdown of Minnesota’s game against the Raiders, as well as Vikings player grades.
Leave a Reply